Happiness is having a good pee!
My second call, on the bat mobile, last night was to pop round and assess Vera, a 65 year old lady who’d dialled 999.
The area was in a run down part of town, where the houses all seemed in need of a good deal of refurbishment; broken and cracked plaster, garden walls falling down, guttering falling of the eaves, paint cracked and peeling; you get the picture. I knocked at number 39 (the doorbell was hanging off the wall by its wires) and admired the cracked window and tattered curtains as I waited for one of the occupants to undo the bolts, chains and locks. I was expected then! A scruffy individual ushered me in. “She’s down there”, he said pointing down the hall, then he disappeared upstairs. I wandered down the hall and found Vera sitting on a tatty sofa surrounded by tat.
“Hello, what can I do for you?”
“I can’t go to the toilet”
I’m thinking urinary retention, though I’ve never come across, or heard of, a woman having retention. I always thought it was a uniquely male problem.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Just this evening. I had my normal cup of tea before going to bed but I haven’t been to the toilet.”
“Do you feel the urge to go?”
“No, but I always go before I go to bed”.
“Have you tried to go?”
“When was the last time you went?”
“A few hours ago.”
“Does your tummy hurt?”
So you dialled 999 just because you haven’t had your nightly pee – good grief!
“Why not just go to bed anyway and see how you go.”
“That I might wake up and have to go to the toilet.”
Aaaggghhh!! And the problem with that is what, exactly??!!
I went through the motions of an assessment. Her abdomen was soft, (and very sticky! – yuk). No tenderness; she didn’t even feel uncomfortable when I pressed, quite firmly, over the bladder. We agreed, eventually, that she’d try and go to bed and then consider calling her GP in the morning.
“I don’t really want to go and see her though.”
“Well, it would mean taking a taxi.”
“Can’t you walk there?”
“No its too far.”
“How about taking a bus?”
“Don’t know if there are any, I’ve never looked to see?
Aaaggghhh!!! Let me outa here!