Following the rules

I’m still seething from having had a set to with Control last night, in particular that spineless twerp that is the Control manager. Having stewed on things for most of the shift I was delighted to find something a little humorous in the station office this morning.


Like the rest of the NHS, and probably all public departments, the ambulance service has a form for everything. For example, if something’s broken, out of date, or otherwise unusable we have a “non conforming notice”.

Someone recently snapped a cheap plastic ruler (probably 99p at the local shop). As required, the culprit filled out the requisite form.

To maintain confidentiality I’m not able to post a photo of the form so here’s the text.

Non Conforming Product Report

Item Description

Clear plastic measuring apparatus – maximum measuring ability 18 inches.

Reason for Problem/Fault

Only measures up to 14.1 inches, whilst a secondary by-product of the faulty mechanism now only seems to measure between 14.2 and 18 inches.

Action Required

Consolidation of the unit, to maximise its full 18 inch productivity quotient.

No doubt some pen pusher/bean counter at HQ will take this as a serious issue but will probably return the form asking for a detailed explanation concerning the circumstances surrounding the damage to company property.


6 Responses to Forms

  1. kevinmillhill says:

    My partner took a phone call from our Area Services Manager; apparently one of the care homes had reported a collision in which the care home fabric had been damaged. He was disappointed that he had not received the appropriate report. Eventually it dawned on us that they were referring to an incident (to which I hold up my hands) in which I had nicked the corner of an (internal) plastered wall with a trolley cot.

    It passed an otherwise dull morning, completing the RTA form. We heard no more, so it seems that the ASM has a sense of humour too.

  2. Merys Jones says:

    Now there’s some training we should get in medical school – that the NHS is an arse. Nuff said.

  3. ecparamedic says:

    Merys, the NHS isn’t an arse, that title belongs to those that run it.

    SD 😉

  4. Scientist says:

    Tee hee. Although surely you aren’t allowed to work in non-SI units…?

  5. Tom says:

    That is bloody hillaious!

  6. Merys Jones says:

    yup, bring on the NHS managers, they definitely know how to make a drama into a crisis!

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