Delhi Medical

Medical secretaries under threat.
To save money the NHS is going to sack those who know what they’re doing.

The esteemed Dr Crippen blogged again the other day about the nonsense of outsourcing NHS typing services to India. We all know it’ll create mayhem, with all sorts of oddball phrases and medical terms appearing in letters sent out to patients. One of my regular sources of amusing items has e-mailed these wonderful examples of writings we can hope to see; albeit that these came from hospital charts.

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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3 Responses to Delhi Medical

  1. Sage says:

    This sounds like Bedford Hospital, yes sure get rid of the people that cost money because it’s cheaper to get it typed by a secretary in India. When things go wrong, or notes don’t make sense it’s only the patient that suffers, the government won’t worry about that.

    The debt issue facing many british hospitals, should be treated like the 3rd world debts and eradicated, not making them try and pay it back with interest when it is clear that this will never happen. Doctors and Nurses will simply leave and we wil end up with a less effective health services – or is this what the Government want?

  2. badman says:

    Hmmm. sounds like the politicians need therir circis sized genitalia examined.

  3. speccy says:

    I’ve got a classic…

    endoscopy revealed a normal optic disc and macula…

    like you’d get an endoscope near an eye šŸ˜‰

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