The Name’s…

…Witch, MagWitch

Well, as I said in my last post, I spent yesterday afternoon snuggled up on the settee reading a book. For a bit of light relief, at the moment I’m reading Ratcatcher by James McGee. It takes place in Regency London. The hero’s Matthew Hawkwood; ex serviceman (95th rifles) who now works as a Bow Street Runner “a special constable – one of seven to be precise” “with carte blanche to get the job done” (JB?) He reports to the Chief Magistrate – the all seeing, all knowing ‘boss’ with links to the secret service (M?). Outside the office is the ever present PR person with information, contacts, etc – all sound familiar?

It’s good read but not a great one. Something for the beach or the sofa (when you’re feeling off colour). Needless to say a sequel, Resurrectionist, is due out early next year. Surprisingly all the reviews I’ve read compare the book to Bernard Cornwell’s Sharpe series but personally I see more similarity with James Bond. Speaking of which I went to see Casino Royale last week. I think I’d agree with most of the reviews, it’s a much grittier JB and he’s more believable but somehow Daniel Craig still isn’t JB as I’d always imagined him. Can’t quite say why but I think it’s the hair – should be darker and thicker.

I read all the JB books when I was younger and, as a pubescent teenager, always thought he’s “the kinda guy I wanna be”; that was until I read The Ninja – then Nicholas Linnear became my hero. I was interested to read that 20th Century Fox have, after 26 years, bought the film rights, “an exec has been attached to the project, a director has been chosen, and a screenwriter will be delivering a draft within a couple of months”. I know exactly how NL should look so it’ll be interesting to see who they choose for the lead.

I was considering what all these ‘heroes’ have in common; they’re intelligent, loners, excellent at everything (bastards) and attractive to women. Jason Bourne came to mind as well and I was surprised to find that Eric Lustbader, who wrote The Ninja, was selected by Robert Ludlum’s estate to continue the Bourne franchise.

As this is a sort of musing/rambling post we’ll drift off on a slight tangent. Whilst I was writing yesterday’s post I was also listening to my favourite radio station; Radio 5 Live. Yesterday, on the afternoon programme with Phil Williams, there was an interview with Kate Boydell, talking about bereavement, her recovery and her campaign to help others. Inevitably the discussion moved on to ‘dating after bereavement’ and Kate made a comment that “good looking, intelligent, humorous men do exist. It’s not a myth, they are out there.” Well of course they are Kate, there’s one sitting here right now typing this blog. No, we don’t have to be James Bond, Matthew Hawkwood, Nicholas Linnear or Jason Bourne, we can be real people. Sadly the same doesn’t seem to hold for women. Where the heck are all the available, attractive, intelligent, humorous, ladies? Well the answer seems to be that they’re all taken – ‘available’ seems to be the one attribute that’s missing.

I’ve been ‘available’ for 2 and a half years and in all that time I’ve only met one lady who met all 4 criteria – sadly it was wrong time, wrong place and it didn’t last as long as I hoped it would. Now, I think I meet all of Kate’s criteria but sadly I’m not in the JB league. Friends have tried to help. I even signed up to one of those dating sites – once – just to see what would happen. Result: don’t bother! It’s full of unattractive, sad, old bags; felt like I was dating my mother!

I even thought I was onto a winner at one of the many Christmas parties I attended this year. We all went out for a Christmas meal at a very attractive venue. Along with our crowd there was a group of 20+ nurses from the local DGH plus a group of ladies from one of the major high street retailers. At a conservative estimate the ratio was probably 6 ladies for every man. The girls in my group where sizing up the possibilities on my behalf. Sadly, as regular readers will know, I’m a bit of a ‘fattist’. So we discounted anyone over size 14 which only left about 30% of the ladies. Whilst I might be prejudiced I think it’s a sad indictment on today’s society that people are getting larger and larger. The girls spotted a couple of ‘potentials’ but on examination we concluded that a lady’s concept of attractive is not the same as a man’s – or at least not mine anyway. I wouldn’t have given those two a second glance (sorry girls). Of the three I thought might be worth ‘chatting up’, two had wedding rings and one an engagement ring. See what I mean?

Well we’ve a new year coming up so who knows. For the time being Inky (the cat) and I are running a bachelors only household; and we’re doing just fine thanks. So ladies, if you’re attractive, intelligent, humorous and available – tough! You’ll have to be the female equivalent of James Bond to stand a chance here.

P.S. In Casino Royale there’s a great line when Bond is verbally sparing with Vesper Lynd; “don’t worry, you’re not my type – you’re single.” Think I’m beginning to see his point of view.


6 Responses to The Name’s…

  1. Joker says:

    i have to declare a certain bias about this, as a lady of more ample proportions than a size 14, (and in any event you will be glad to hear – unavailable). it is more of a sad reflection on our society that anyone would be daft enough to choose a mate on the basis of dress size rather than any of the other more relevant statistics: IQ, size of bank balance, number of notches on bedpost, cc of car or motorbike engine.

    or god forbid, perhaps avoid the numbers game already and go straight to selection on the basis of humour and kindness. it kind of explains your sorry single state. hope you have more luck (and maybe acquire a bit of wisdom about it all) in 2007!

  2. Kingmagic says:

    I too read “The Ninja” as a spotty teenage yooth! Cracking book for its time and I also hope that they get the casting right.

    I,m doing an A level History course at the moment, which coincides with my interest in Military History. I,ve read most of the Sharp series and found them all good reads.

    Just bought a more factual book on the “95th. Rifles” (one of Sharps more famous regiments) by Mark Urban titled simply “Rifles.”

  3. nicenurse says:

    Having discussed this point with a couple of my female colleagues, it seems that actually women can be a sight more unpleasant towards the ‘sisterhood’! Can I suggest though, that you broaden your [girth] horizon slightly, as increased thinness is directly connected to a trim wallet and you do work for the NHS!!


  4. Merys Jones says:

    I think I just fell out with you lol

  5. Tink says:

    Well hello Mr Picky! I have no doubt that you are good looking, intelligent & humourous, but I’m afraid it cuts both ways. After much research, I have concluded that looking for perfection is a bit of a waste of time. Personally I would be thrilled to get a bloke who looks like Daniel Craig walking out of the sea… but given that it took him 6 months with a personal trainer (plus an hour in the make up trailer) to look like that, I have finally decided to get real. I truly hope that you find the woman that you are looking for Magwitch… and that she makes you happy. If a loved up Reynolds is anything to go by, a mellow Magwitch would be fun to see!

  6. Thank you for the blog post. Brown and I have been saving for just a new book on this issue and your writing has made us to save our money. Your opinions really responded to all our questions. In fact, more than what we had acknowledged before we ran into your excellent blog. I actually no longer have doubts along with a troubled mind because you really attended to the needs here. Thanks

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